Hows Santa Knows IF you've Been Good
  
Sung to the tune of...
"Santa Claus is Coming to Town"
          You better watch out, 
          You better not cry, 
          You better not pout, 
          I'm telling you why, 
          Santa Claus is tapping, 
          Your phone. 
          He's buggin your room, 
          He's reding your mail, 
          He's keeping a file 
          And runnin a tail 
          Santa Claus is tapping 
          Your phone 
          He hears you in the bedroom 
          Surveills you out of doors 
          And if that doesn't get the goods 
          Then he'll use provocateurs. 
          So you mustn't assume 
          That you are secure 
          On Christmas Eve 
          He'll kick in your door 
          Santa Claus is tapping 
          Your phone 
 
(Supposedly written for and sung at a U.S. Department of Justice,
Office of Legal Counsel, Christmas party during the Carter 
Administration.) --Eugene Volokh, UCLA Law