The Death of a Legend
 

Sad News Report Veteran Pillsbury Doughboy, Pop-N-Fresh, died 
yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Fresh was buried in 
one of the largest ceremonies in recent years. 

Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, The 
California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and Twinkie the Kid.  
The grave site was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt 
Jemima gave the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who never knew how 
much he was kneaded.  

Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled 
with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, 
wasting much time on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old 
man, he was a roll model for millions.  

Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and one 
in the oven. The funeral was held at 4:50 for about 20 minutes.