The Points System
 
Everything you wanted to know about being a good husband, but were 
lied to by the rest of us. 
 
It's called THE POINTS SYSTEM. 
 
In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make 
the woman happy. 
Do 
something she likes and you get points. Do something she 
dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any 
points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the 
way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point 
system. 

Simple Duties: 
You make the bed...................................+1. 
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative 
pillows.............................................0. 
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets........-1. 
You leave the toilet seat up.......................-5. 
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty...0. 
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to 
Kleenex............................................-1. 
Then the Kleenex runs out you use the downstairs bathroom.......-2. 
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.......+5. 
At midnight........................................+8. 
In the snow.......................................+12. 
But return with beer...............................-5. 
An hour later.....................................-15. 
You check out a suspicious noise at night.............0. 
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing.....0. 
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something..+5. 
You pummel it with a six iron.......................+10. 
It's her pet........................................-10. 

Social Engagements: 
You stay by her side the entire party...............0. 
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college 
drinking buddy.....................................-2. 
Named Tiffany......................................-4. 
Tiffany is a dancer ...............................-6. 
Tiffany has implants...............................-8. 
 
Her Birthday: 
You take her out to dinner.................................0. 
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar .....+1. 
Okay, it is a sports bar..................................-2. 
And it's all-you-can-eat night ...........................-3. 
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is 
painted the colors of your favorite team.................-10. 
 
A Night Out With The Boys: 
Go out with a pal..................................-5. 
The pal is happily married.........................-4. 
Or frighteningly single............................-7. 
And he drives a Mustang...........................-10. 
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED).....-15. 
 
A Night Out: 
You take her to a movie............................+2. 
You take her to a movie she likes .................+4. 
You take her to a movie you hate...................+6. 
You take her to a movie you like...................-2. 
It's called Death Cop 3............................-3. 
Which features cyborgs that eat humans ............-9. 
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.......-15. 
 
Physique: 
You develop a noticeable potbelly.................-15. 
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of 
it................................................+10. 
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy 
Hawaiian shirts...................................-30. 
You say "It doesn't matter, you have one too"....-800. 
The Big Question: 
She asks, "Do I look fat?". You: hesitate in 
responding............................-10. 
You reply, 
"Where?"..............................-35. 
Any other 
response..............................-20. 
 
Communication: 
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what 
looks like a concerned expression..............................0. 
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes.......+5. 
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the 
TV..........................................................+100. 
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep..........>-200.