Pagan After Death

A Pagan dies, and to his great surprise finds himself 
standing before some pearly gates. The guy in charge 
looks him over. 

"Can I help you?" 

"Where am I?" asks the Pagan. 

"Beg your pardon?" the other guy asks.

"You're in Heaven, of course." 

"B-but I don't believe..." 

"Hmmm" (squinting his eyes)"are you one of them Pagan 
folk?" the gatekeeper asks, his mouth curling in mild 
distaste. 

"Yes, I am... I believe I'm in the wrong place, which way 
is the Summerland?" our Pagan friend asks.

"It's been *temporarily* shut down for repairs" the 
gatekeeper says with an ironic chuckle "ever since we 
took over...err...I mean... since the people found their 
way to the true path." 

"Whatever" says the Pagan

"What do I do now?" -"I'm sorry sir, but you must go to 
Hell. No Pagans allowed here."

"WHAT? Hell? But I don't believe in Hell!"  

"Sorry, those are the rules, just follow the downward 
path to the left." 

So our Pagan friend walks down to Hell, only to find the 
doors open. He warily goes in and looks around to see 
beautiful meadows, and animals happily roaming the surrounding woods.

"Hmm, so far so good." A voice behind him made him all 
but jump out of his skin 

"Can I help you?" 

"SHEESH! Give a guy a heart attack, why don't you?" 

"Ahem... a little too late for that, isn't it?" the guy 
said with a smile "Who are you, anyway?" our friend asks 

"Why, I'm Satan." the other one said with a slight bow 

"Satan?!" said our friend as he started looking
around nervously "At your service... you're the Pagan guy 
Pete called us about, right?" 

"Pete... oh the guy in Heaven, yes..." eyeing Satan
carefully- "what's gonna happen to me now?" 

"Well, you can hang out,there's some great fishing going 
on in the lake beyond these woods and, if you follow
the road down this way, there's refreshments and a little 
market not too far and to your right. I believe the Pagan 
meeting grounds are just behind that hill..."

Satan went on "Are you serious...? Satan grinned at him
innocently Why shouldn't I be? You don't believe the 
rumours, do you?

Suddenly, in answer to our friend's growing fear, the 
vault of the skies open with a thunderous groan. The 
screams of terror of a soul plummeting down are drowned
by the opening of a yawning chasm full of fire and 
brimstone. The stench of sulfur thickens the air. 

Thousands of howling, suffering, tortured voices echo 
through Hell. When the screaming soul finally falls into 
the pit, the ground shuts closed with a sickening thud 
that rattles all of the earth. 

Our Pagan friend all but soiled his undies as he yelped 
in terror. "And what was *THAT* all about?"

Satan rolled his eyes, and made a dismissive gesture with
his hand as he said with a distasteful grimace

Oh, just ignore them...

he rolled his eyes again. They're christians, they 
wouldn't have it any other way...