Microsoft Dinner 98

INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT: 

You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you 
agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV 
dinners. You may not give anyone else a bite of your 
dinner (which would constitute an infringement of
Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others smell 
and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them 
how good it is.  If you have a PC microwave oven, insert 
the dinner into the oven. Set the oven using these
keystrokes: 

mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat 

Then enter:
    
ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme. 
If you have a Macintosh microwave oven, insert the dinner 
and press start.

The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.  If you 
have a Unix microwave oven, insert the dinner, enter the 
ingredients of the dinner found on the package label, the 
weight of the dinner, and the desired level of cooking
and press start. The oven will calculate the time and 
heat and cook the dinner exactly to your specification.  
Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which 
case your oven must be restarted. This is a simple 
procedure. Remove the dinner from the oven and enter:    

ms.nodamn.good/tryagain\again/again.crap  

This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the 
microwave and then doing a cold reboot. If this doesn't 
work, contact your oven vendor. The oven itself is 
obviously on the blink.  Many users have reported that  
the dinner tray is far too big, larger than the dinner 
itself, having many useless compartments, most of which 
are empty. These are for future menu items. If the tray 
is too large to fit in your oven, you will need to 
upgrade your equipment.  Dinners are only available from 
registered outlets, and only the chicken variety is 
currently produced. If you want another variety, call 
Microsoft Help and they will explain that you really  
don't want another variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you 
really need.  Microsoft has disclosed plans to 
discontinue all smaller versions of their chicken 
dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger family size. 
Excess chicken may be stored for future use, 
but must be saved only in Microsoft approved packaging.  
Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98. 
However, that version has yet to be released. Users have 
permission to get thrilled in advance.  Microsoft dinners 
may be incompatible with other dinners in the freezer, 
causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature, 
not a bug. Your freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway.