Clean Laffs III

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve 
became upset. "You're running around with other women," 
she told her mate.

"Eve, honey, you're being unreasonable," Adam responded. 

"You know you're the only woman on earth." The quarrel 
continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by 
a strange pain in his side. It was Eve poking him about 
the torso.

"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.

"Counting your ribs," said Eve.



[Supposedly a true story... but who can tell?]
Frederick William I, who ruled Prussia in the early 
eighteenth century, was an eccentric who stood on no 
ceremony at all. He walked the streets of Berlin 
unattended, and when anyone displeased him he did not 
hesitate to use his walking stick to beat the hapless 
innocent.

It is no wonder, then, that when the Berliners saw him 
coming they quickly left the vicinity. One time, as 
Frederick was pounding down one of the streets, a citizen 
spied him, but too late, and his attempt to slide quietly 
into a doorway proved a failure.

"You," called out Frederick, "where are you going?"

"Into the house, Your Majesty," replied the trembling
citizen.

"Is it your house?"

No, Your Majesty."

"Why are you going in, then?"

The poor man, fearing he might be accused of burglary and
at his wit's end, finally decided to tell truth, and 
said, "In order to avoid you, Your Majesty."

Frederick frowned. "To avoid me? Why?"

"Because I fear you, Your Majesty."

Frederick turned red and, lifting his walking stick,  
began beating the man crying, "You're not supposed to fear 
me. You're supposed to love me, you scum, love me!"



A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to
preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand
my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17. "

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the 
minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how 
many had read Mark 17.

Every hand went up.

The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters.
I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."



Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes

A guy gets shipwrecked. When he wakes up, he's on a 
beach. The sand is purple. He can't believe it. The sky 
is purple. He walks around a bit and sees that there is 
purple grass, purple birds and purple fruit on the purple 
trees. He's shocked when he finds that his skin is 
starting to turn purple too.

"Oh no!" he says, "I think I've been marooned!"