New and Interesting Thanksgiving 
Turkey Uses
*As a blunt object to fend off your pesky cousins with.
*As a projectile to throw at the TV after Kathie Lee says, 
"Aren't they a wonderful band!" for the 25th time.
*As a hood ornament.
*As a disguise so your ugly Aunt Harriet can't kiss you and say, "How
much you've grown!"
*As a football for the after-meal game.
*Fill it with whip cream - watch the fun.
*Bury in the yard; for future midnight snacks.
*If you're flying home, take the carcass as a carry-on. 
See what it looks like in the X-ray machine. 
Better yet, put it in a pet carrier and 
ask the flight attendant for some chicken feed.
*As yet another object to drop from the top of the dorm to 
test the range of the splatter upon impact.
*As a Christmas gift (avoid the holiday crowds this way!)
*As a doorstop to keep your relatives out.
*Makes a great doggie chew toy.
*Wear as a helmet, declaring, "I'm TURKEYMAN!"
*Before serving, paste feathers on the poor naked creature.
*Secretly replace with Folgers turkey crystals.
*Place a speaker inside the bird, and from another room, 
amaze your guests with this talking fowl!
*Throw the turkey out the window yelling, "You're FREE! Fly! FLY!"
*Two words: Turkey puppet.
*Toss the carcass into a turkey farm to intimidate next year's stock.
*Attach to a fishing pole, 
slowly drive around the neighborhood in the back of a pickup 
and see how many dogs follow you.
*From a concealed location, toss in front of a passing car. 
When they stop, run out screaming that they hit your dog!
*As in an old murder mystery, question all the dinner guests 
in an attempt to discover who killed the guest of honor.