REJECTED HALLMARK CARDS

1. So your daughter's a hooker, 
and it spoiled your day... 
Look at the bright side, 
she's a really good lay. 

2. My tire was thumping... 
I thought it was flat... 
when I looked at the tire... 
I noticed your cat...Sorry! 
 
3. You had your bladder removed 
and you're on the mends... 
here's a bouquet of flowers 
and a box of Depends. 
 
4. You've announced that you're gay, 
won't that be a laugh, 
when they find out you're one 
of the Joint Chiefs of Staff! 
 
5. Happy Vasectomy! 
Hope you feel zippy! 
Cause when I had mine 
I got real snippy. 

6. Heard your wife left you... 
How upset you must be... 
But don't fret about it... 
She moved in with me. 
 
7. Your computer is dead... 
it was once so alive. 
Don't you regret installing 
Windows 98? 
 
8. You totaled your car... 
and can't remember why... 
could it have been... 
the case of Bud Dry? 
 
9. Saw something today 
that reminded me of you. 
As a matter of fact it was 
the crap on my shoe! 
 
10. So you're taking Viagra 
so you can please me. 
What you need is an implant 
Since your inch size is three